FULL CIRCLE

It’s a story of a time when I was a kid of 12. I used to fly then. No, it’s not about the aircraft flights. I had wings to fly. I could fly as high and for as long as I wished. Whenever I had any extra time and when no one was around, I used to fly high and higher and higher. There was no one to stop me. It was an ecstatic feeling and no one ever discovered about it. Well, that was the best part that no one ever got to know about it. Once when I was flying in the sky I saw a fort which was vibrantly lit up and on the terrace there was some party going on. Probably it was some kind of celebration, may be birthday of a princess. The people seemed ebullient and everything seemed picture perfect. I could smell toothsome aroma of the food being served and could see everybody having a gala time out there. Then I went a little ahead and found a small island. The island looked like a piece of heaven and there was an extremely beautiful house built over it. Couple of choppers were parked outside and the outside look of the house was screaming out loud – it’s the most beautiful and magnificent house on earth. I was flying above it and was observing, pondering over and eulogizing the beauty of the same when a hand touched me. I was surprised that I was flying so high, how could somebody touch me? The hand came again and this time with more force and sound too. It was my mom waking me up for school.

Three years later there were no such dreams and mom no more used to bother herself as I had started liking the school. The reasons for such a transformation were more than one like now I had a good reputation as a student; I was a prefect for late comers; I had more friends in school than outside etc. But one certain and more prominent reason was that a new girl was admitted into our school. She was as beautiful as her name – Roshna. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever known and had an aura around her which spoke for her amiability and her pure soul within. Roshna was a cheerful, effervescent, amicable girl and my first teenage crush, and was very unlike me who was a little shy and somewhat introvert. But somehow my friendship with Roshna clicked well and everything seemed just right until the typical bollywood style entry of the villain in our fifty percent love story. Fifty percent, as you must have guessed right, was from my side only. This boy Jimmy became friends with Roshna pretty soon and two of them gelled really well. Though it was a fact that I was Roshna’s best friend and we used to have a ball of a time together. But Jimmy always came into picture whenever my love for Roshna battled with her friendship for me. I could never tell Roshna that I really loved her and that this was the first time my feelings of crush were turning into love. True love. I spent two amazing and lovely years of my life. But towards the fag end of the term quarrels and arguments had started cropping up more often than not. Most of the times it was I who was at fault and most of the times it was she who used to patch up and pacify. Then one fine day we had a scuffle and it was the last day when we spoke until next 11 years. My ego did not allow me to move ahead for patch up and she was either tired of my childish behavior or expecting to be pampered this time or may be both. Exams were round the corner and we hardly got time to see each other. In a way, I was trying to avoid all contacts with her. And I became more firm on my decision when I saw her taking a stroll with Jimmy once. I got a ‘good luck’ message from her through a common friend and I was not courteous enough to even say thanks. Exams were over and everyone was enjoying the long break after board exams except me. I had started liking my loneliness. Results were out and as expected Roshna had done brilliantly well. I got average grades and got admission in a reasonable college. But I was still longing to see Roshna. To talk to her, to see her smile, to share all those tiny little things that I had been through meanwhile and to tell her that I really, truly loved her. And then another fine day, I picked up the phone and dialed her number. There was no response. I was damn sure that the number was correct but I checked it again. It was correct. I dialed again and there was no response again. Months later I got to know from a friend that she had left the country and had flown away to the US. Her father had got a lucrative job offer from an American company and the entire family had relocated.
All I could manage to say in front of my friend was ‘good’.


My life moved on and on and while completing my graduation, I started helping baba in his construction business. Although I had an elder brother, Fahad, but he was never interested in baba’s business. Fahad was three and a half years elder to me in age and probably three decade older than I in wisdom and prudence. He was of a kind who could read your mind and knew exactly what he wanted to do. His childhood dream was become an entrepreneur and as a first step he had fetched a high paying job in a software company. Five years down the line he had planned his own company – software or ‘whatsoever’ ware only he knew. Baba was happy that he was doing well in his career and at least I was there to carry on his legacy. Although I was also not interested in that business, I mean working at a construction site was tough – lot of noise, dust and coping with that irritating sound of ‘kir-kir’ made out of plastering the walls etc but I had no option but to work there. The fact was that even I was not clear of my interest that I wanted to pursue. Gradually I started liking the work too. By then, I was in the final term of graduation and was, in a way, managing a major chunk of baba’s business. Fahad did not wait for the five years I thought of; he had already started his event management company.

Looking back at life, I see myself and Fahad going to school together. While he used to pass with distinction, I was always passing by a slight margin. While he used to teach me with utmost concentration, I was always losing the focus. While he used to love me like a child, I was not even giving him proper respect. For Fahad I was always a kid and I always thought of myself as a grown up. It was a sunny summer afternoon when I was caught in a tussle with three bullies of our school, of whom two were my seniors and one was my classmate. That day if Fahad had not come they would have grinded me to dirt. Fahad just punched one of the three boys and it was enough to take his tooth out and to scare the rest two to vanish before they become the target of Fahad’s fury. That was day when Fahad became my role model as a larger than life figure and after which I was given the respect by all my classmates as if I were his godson.
Fahad was one of the tallest and most fit boys in his batch. He was an athlete, an exceptional player at various games and was the pride of my parents and our school sports team. He was the crush of almost all the pretty girls in his batch and was respectable figure amongst all his friends. And ‘all his friends’ meant ninety percent of his batch strength. I still wonder at the kind of adulation he used to get by ‘all his friends’. Now if I think about it, it was something that in a way he well deserved. For one, he always kept his words, come what may. And two, he always helped his friends… come what may. Fahad’s warmth for me was endless and no matter how bad I did in studies or that I was not a part of a single sports team or the fact that I had no virtue like his; his love for me was still ceaseless. He never tried to change me but he definitely made a change in my personality. He never asked me to devote eternal hours for studies (unless of course exams were over my head) but he gifted me my first book. He never mentioned to me that I should try to improve at games but he challenged me to beat his bowling and hit a four, which I could never do but it did spark a feeling for cricket in me. I still remember all those tiny things that he did for me which made an enormous change in my personality.

Coming back to present, I was about to graduate. Fahad’s company had long passed the break even and was doing well. Baba was comfortable that I was helping him out manage his company. And everything else seemed just perfect until ma proposed something to baba which was quite evident on her part. She asked baba to think about Fahad’s marriage now. A round table conference started in which the Fahad was asked if he has any girlfriend he was serious about or that he had someone in his mind; then a few girls’ names were proposed and rejected and finally the search began. A family friend, Nawab uncle, suggested a friend of his daughter, Shazia, and we all went to their home to meet for that purpose. Shazia was beautiful and her family seemed okay. Baba, being a genuine and innocuous person, didn’t go about much of enquiring about their family and gave his word. And when it came to keeping the word, baba and Fahad were very much alike. Within six months both engagement and marriage was done and now Shazia was a part of our family. Six months back nobody had thought that it is going to be the biggest disaster in our family and our lives. But now it was the reality that we all were facing.

Baba had a vast piece of land in Hyderabad which, when he bought it, was located at a place where there was absolute jungle and no population. As baba had expected it to become, it was now a well sought after property in the recently developed posh area of banjara hills and we were getting regular calls from various real estate agents to sell it off at a price we wished. Baba thought of it as big opportunity which was knocking at our doors and baba took me to Hyderabad, arranged for the requisite funds and through a friend of his, got the permission for constructing a shopping mall at that location. It was going to be very big project, one of the biggest malls of Hyderabad, and a steep rise in my career as I was going to look after it and get that done. And I came down to the city of nizams which it no more was. Keeping all the fine and finer points given by baba in mind, I started the work in another couple of months. Meanwhile at home things started to worsen.

Shazia was born and brought up in family which was completely different from ours. For us integrity and integration (read togetherness) were the most important things but unfortunately neither of them was ever taught to her by her parents. Very soon she started having scuffles and quarrels with ma that led to an uneasy environment at home and eventually a cause of baba’s ailments. When I came home after six months I was surprised to see that my home had changed entirely. Ma and baba were tensed most of the times, Fahad was devoting most of his time to his business and rest of the time he was trying to settle down the issues between Shazia and ma. I got to know from ma that Shazia was expecting and I was going to be ‘chachu’. I was quite happy to know that but my happiness was subsided when ma told me that Shazia is demanding to get separate. Although Fahad had made it very clear that he was not going to leave us, still some way or the other Shazia always made a point to get a separate home. It was fourth month of her pregnancy and as she was not keeping well Fahad denied her wish of visiting her parents. The next day what happened was something that was going to change our lives, for longer than we had expected.
Next day, Shazia’s dad came to our home when only the ladies were home and we all were in office. He showed his inhuman side, which was kept hidden for long, and made a hue and cry about his daughter being ill-treated by us and his family being tortured, indirectly. He shouted loud enough to get the attention of our neighbors and make a point of sympathy there. Ma called on Fahad’s cell phone and incidentally I was with him when his phone rang. We both rushed to home immediately but the devil had done his work by then. He had gone back to his home and had taken Shazia along. It was after around one and a half year of this incident that we came to know that Shazia’s dad was a criminal of his time and had been sentenced for three years.

For next one year there was no direct contact from our family to his or vice versa. A lot of people from both sides tried to reconcile the terms and get Shazia back to our home but eventually they all said the same thing – that her father was the biggest asshole they had ever come across and that he was not willing to send Shazia back unless we approach them directly. It was something we were not ready for at any cost. And we had to pay a heavy price for keeping our ego, indeed! But it was worth it eventually. After a while we filed a suit of conjugal right and in the very first hearing the court of law ordered Shazia to join us back and rectify whatever the problems were. When Shazia came back she was not alone. She carried an angel with her. My niece was four months old when I, rather we, first met her. We named her Sarah which is an Arabic name meaning princess. Sarah was the only good thing that happened out of that order of court for reconciliation.

Despite our various efforts towards making ours a happy and settled family, Shazia was uncooperative and adamant on the previous issue of separation. After about a month, I had to go to Hyderabad as the mall was ready and waiting for a grand opening. All the spaces were already sold out before the completion of construction and it was time to do the inauguration. Fahad was to come along with me as the inaugural day’s event was to be managed by him. We flew down to Hyderabad and on the very next day Shazia went to her parents’. She did not inform ma about going and she did not even ask Fahad. It was something on which anybody could have gone berserk. And so did Fahad. After a couple of days, when everything was settled in Hyderabad, Fahad divorced Shazia. Fahad went back home but I was to stay there for longer as I had some more chores there. Even before Fahad could reach home, which took in all a day and a half after divorce, the devil had done his ground work. Sec 498 had come into picture and a grandiose one.

A suit was filed against the entire family that we had demanded an unimaginable amount of dowry, that I had tried to have some illegitimate relations with that bitch, and that we had tried to kill her like it happens in typical ‘saas-bahu’ TV sagas. But what happened to us next was not at all a TV show or something. We were charged with all these allegations and both the police and the case were in their favor as it generally happens in a divorce case in the Indian law context. That was just the beginning of the harassment that we went through. Apart from this suit, another three were filed one after the other including the heinous criminal case of rape against Fahad. Fahad was one such divine soul who had never even looked at a girl with wrong intentions, ever. And today his ex-wife had filed a rape suit against him. It was enough to shatter anybody into pieces but they forgot that it was Fahad and he was God’s own child and a favorite one. Fahad, along with all of us, went through all that torture, harassment and pain and was even taken into custody for eighteen fucking long days but he did not break. Those eighteen days were like eighteen centuries for me. For first five days I locked myself up in a room and avoided contact with all the people except a few for some important pieces of works. I used to call up ma everyday and everyday she used to speak about what happened today and the hope for next day. In those days I abhorred weekends and thought how these courts of law could be closed when an innocent is put into cell for no fault of his. The sixth day I tried to normalize a bit and imagined how Fahad must be feeling there. I came back to work and started eating on time but while eating every bite of my food, while giving a smile to others and while taking every breath I held myself guilty. I could not imagine myself having the luxury of good food, taking calls at my wish or even walking out freely when Fahad was living in that hell. I held every act of mine guilty and the guilt rose to such a level that I was ready to kill those fucking bastards the day Fahad comes out and says that it had been painful. After eighteen stretched days, the almighty got ‘meherbaan’ on us to bail out Fahad in a case which takes lots of people even months. Fahad went through that shitty patch of life and didn’t complain about it even once.

As I mentioned earlier, Fahad was God’s favorite child, the first good thing that happened to him out of all that disaster was that he got the custody of Sarah without any struggle as Shazia herself threw Sarah at Fahad in one of the ‘compromise’ meeting arranged by the police. Fahad took Sarah home and that less than a year old kid grew up with us, and to be precise, with ma. Even after six months of divorce, things were not totally in control. But gradually they did started falling into place. The second good thing that happened out of this was that Fahad had become social in circles other his friends and employees. After another six months things had come in almost full control except a bit here and there. It is true that our family, especially Fahad, has to suffer a great deal (which is an understatement), that we had to run here and there a few times (in spite of the fact that baba was diabetic and was not keeping well), that Fahad could not meet our small princess Sarah for a long stretch of time (who was no less than his life) but all those things that seemed perpetual then had come to an end. And a happy one.

Both the businesses had gone through the rough patch in that period of a little over a year but we had the support of God by which we could sustain and live on. Fahad had an amazing business sense and he didn’t ever let an opportunity go just like that without giving it a shot. He sensed massive business potential in Hyderabad and put up an office there. He capitalized on the event that he organized for the mall we constructed and within a short period of time his business witnessed a steep rise. Fahad believed in moving on in life and hence he forgot everything that he went through or at least pretended that. He also forgave everyone who was responsible for putting our family into those enormous troubles and of course he didn’t pretend that. He meant it.

The next couple of years saw Fahad rising in terms of power, money and fame. While I was carrying on with baba’s business pretty well but Fahad was doing phenomenal. Fahad set up many offices across all major cities in the country. His business was making multi million bucks and now he had started stretching his wings across the international boundaries. While he was not completely out of the legal crap but things were much settled now and he could devote most of the time to his business. Also, Fahad always preferred moving ahead over moving back or standing still.

After a little over three years of divorce, Fahad got married again. This time also it was an arranged marriage and it was done in a typical arranged way. Fahad met the girl, Huda, before marrying her. Spent some time in courtship. Both the families knew each other but still time was given to the couple to know each other and accept the proposal without any pressure from the families. The marriage function was relatively small but elegant. After a long time I saw happiness on ma, baba and Fahad’s face and this was enough to send me on top of the world. Huda came to our family and the wedding day’s happiness continued.

Huda was a pretty girl and she looked even prettier on the wedding day. Despite the fact that it was Huda’s first marriage and Fahad’s second and the fact that she was going to be the mother of a two year old baby girl, Huda gave a nod without considering much. It was later known to us that Huda was always ready to marry Fahad but at the time of Fahad’s first marriage Huda was in the final year of graduation, same as me, and she wanted to complete her studies before getting married. Hence no proposal came from there side and we never thought of it then. Huda had done BBA and God knows for what reasons, she worked an in event management company till her marriage. Probably she wanted to give competition to Fahad but things worked out differently and now it was decided between the two that Huda was going to help Fahad in his business. Huda was a vivacious lady and she filled our home with all the colors of happiness and love. Huda conceived after eight months of her marriage and it was the time when everything was going just right. But how can everything go ‘just right’, I mean there have to be some problems in life otherwise it is not called life. So the topic of my marriage was raised and at once I said no. It was true that now I had faded memories of Roshna and had no hope of meeting her again in my lifetime. I was not even aware whether she was dead or alive, whether she was married or single and things like those. But when ma first time talked to me about my marriage Roshna instantly came to my thoughts. I said no. I was not ready. Ma tried everything but I always said that I need some more time. Ma asked Fahad to convince me and he came to my room in the night, along with Huda, to talk to me. There is no doubt that Fahad had magical ability of getting things done but when he asked me what was there in my mind, I simply told him that its got nothing to do with anyone, not even Roshna (Fahad knew about her but since it had been a long time he had forgotten about it). Fahad asked a few things about her and I answered everything I knew, every time with the suffix “it’s got nothing to do with her”. For another six months nobody talked to me about my marriage.

It was Sarah’s fifth birthday and both Sarah and Uzair’s ‘haqeeqah’ celebration. Fahad was the CEO of India’s biggest event management company then and had ventured into the telecom and branded apparels sector too, which were doing pretty well. Fahad’s company organized the party for the occasion and the venue chosen was a fort in Udaipur.

The fort was vibrantly lit up and on the terrace there was some party going on. Probably it was some kind of celebration, may be birthday of a princess. The people seemed ebullient and everything seemed picture perfect. I could smell toothsome aroma of the food being served and could see everybody having a gala time out there.

It was a large gathering and apart from all the relatives and family friends, a few big shots of the corporate world and some politicos were also invited. Sarah and Uzair looked charming and I just could not resist myself picking up both of them in my arms and giving lots of kisses. As I was carrying them and talking to them, a lady came towards us and asked “Can I take one of them from you?” I looked at her and was stunned. To be more precise, I was speechless, literally wordless and inarticulate! I could not believe my eyes and finally I asked “Roshna?” She smiled and took Uzair from arms. Said nothing. I looked to the other side and saw Fahad busy with his business partners and Huda looking at me and blushing more than I was. It took me no rocket science to understand that Fahad had done it for me. I asked Roshna how come she was here and she told me that she is here on a project with Fahad’s company. Things had become pretty apparent by now.

We chatted for about an hour and we wanted, at least I wanted, that night to be eternal. She told me about her life in past eleven years and I told her about mine. I narrated her entire story what we had been through and tears had almost come to her eyes. She told me that her dad had passed away and now she was living with her mom in California, working with some management consultancy and that’s all. She had an ephemeral affair in college days and that she was still single. She told me that she was well settled with the US lifestyle but she still preferred to come back home, India. And about marriage, she was still not very certain. Fahad joined us then and said “Farhaan, meet Ms Roshna who is going to help us in our new telecom project and Roshna, meet my brother and your long time friend Farhaan. And he still loves you.” I wished I could restrain Fahad from saying that but that was exactly what I wanted Roshna to know.

Fahad had professionalized our construction business and now he wanted me to join him in his ‘retail of branded apparels’ business. Things just moved on. I and Roshna were catching up on past eleven years. We met quite often and it was really going good, except that I had not asked her for marriage. Then, one night I asked Fahad that what should I say to Roshna and he just casually replied “Say you love her”. He assured me that if she agrees then he will take the matter ahead and would invite her mom to our place. I was thinking when and how should I propose her and was speculating what would her response be. Just then my phone rang and the name flashed on the screen – Roshna. I flipped it open and said “Roshna, I want to see you tonight on dinner”.
She said “Actually I called you for the same thing. Let’s meet over dinner. I have an important thing to discuss with you”.
“Sure” said I, “I would send my driver over to pick you up”.
I thought of many places but finalized on Déjà vu, a restaurant located in the outskirts of city, based on the ‘Moguls’ theme. We had a place reserved. We sat. And the conversation began. I asked her what was the important matter she wanted to discuss and she said that she needed to go back to the US as her mother had fallen ill and she wanted to take care of her personally. I then accumulated all the guts I had, to say something which I had waited for eleven years. I told her that I loved her and asked her if she would marry me. I was glad to know that she had also been thinking about it and she gave her acquiescence about marrying me. I said I would accompany her to US and we would bring her mom to India once she starts recovering.

It took us about two weeks and a couple of days more. After that all three of us flew down to India and her mother stayed at one of our homes. When she recovered fully from her illness, baba asked Fahad to arrange a get together for the two families where things regarding our marriage would be discussed and finalized. Fahad invited Roshna and her mom to our place and the marriage talks began. I and Roshna were out of it and we sat in the garden outside and chatted. I asked Roshna to convince her mother to live with us after our marriage, to which she said it would be difficult but she would try. After an hour or so, we went inside and baba gave me a hug. Fahad said “two months and six days from today. I hope that’s not too long munna”. I smiled and felt numb in front of him.

Time passed away like an ephemera and couple of months were gone. Only the six days remained. Things were moving on well and everything was almost ready. Finally, on the D-day I said “Kubool hai” thrice and so said Roshna. And it was done. After ten days of our marriage, when Fahad came home he handed me two air tickets and an address slip. We were supposed to leave in a couple of days and had no idea about the address being given to me. I asked Fahad but he said somebody will pick us up from the airport. And yes, there was a short Philipino driver waiting for us on the airport holding a placard. As we moved a little ahead, it became clear that he was not a driver but a pilot who flew us in Fahad’s private chopper to an island. There was only one home on that island and its address was same as was written on the slip given to me.

The island looked like a piece of heaven and there was an extremely beautiful house built over it. Couple of choppers were parked outside and the outside look of the house was screaming out loud – it’s the most beautiful and magnificent house on earth. I was flying above it and was observing, pondering over and eulogizing the beauty of the same when a hand touched me.

We entered the house and I roamed around. I was observing, pondering over and eulogizing the beauty of the same when a hand touched me. This time round it was Roshna’s. She thanked me for I don’t know what and I didn’t ask too. I kissed her.